Depressed.

I've been feeling down for the past 5 years, but I think this feeling, which I can only describe as the feeling of emptiness, has escalated during the last 2 years. I have changed, but everything is the same...I've become extremely anti-social and negative.

I have goals, but those goals mean nothing really, I just keep thinking, I'm gonna die anyway. What's the point of accomplishing them?

I've secretly become this cynic. I feel like everybody is insincere and judgmental.

Then I came across this website.

Are you clinically depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

• you can’t sleep enough or you sleep too much
• you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
• you feel worthless and hopeless
• you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
• you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
• you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things – and this is new for you
• you have thoughts that life is not worth living, or have a plan for how you would end it (Seek help immediately if this is the case)

I fit all the descriptions, except the ending life part. It's more like, I want to live alone and socially withdraw myself from people.

Shit. I have these symptoms, but never actually knew they were signs of depression. No, I will not get help, because no one can help. This feeling I have is created by outlooks of the past, present and future. I can't think of anything that would make it go away for good.